So just recently I had a “friend” come home from a long trip over seas.  This “friend” happens to be my best friend and he was in an “uncharted country” , well as far as christianity goes.  Anyhow he has been home for just over a week and we have had a lot of chances to talk about his experiences that he had while away.  At first there was the weird “getting to know you  again” phase but after that he and I didn’t skip a beat and we got back to talk about his experience.  I think the thing that is so incredible about his trip was the fact the GOD IS HUGE.  In the culture that he was in God was there, it was a dark country for the most part and the feeling of darkness surrounded him all the time, however God is great and was at his side the whole time.  None of our American western church influences or our 2 songs, message, 3 songs routine, just him… and God.  There are a million things that i could talk about but only one seems right, at the moment.  My “friend” has and incredible view of the big picture, a gift of visioning is what I refer to it as, so talking to him is always a treat and to hear where and how God is going to be moving next.  All that to say this.  At my church at the moment we are in the middle of building a new facility to worship, grow, fellowship, play… ect. in and sometimes I have to admit it seems that sometimes my church gets a bit complacent with the best way to spend funds.  Being somewhat on the inside loop at church I hear numbers thrown around about the price and the expenditures that this new building will have and the number seems so large that get a bit discouraged with the question of, is this a want or a need.  So I asked my friend how he felt about it, being an international missionary do you think that spending x amount of money for such and such does it discourage you the same as it does me.  I will never forget his reply, he said, ” Cookie you know i have been thinking about that some to, while I was on my trip I learned a few things, one of which was, life in general you know its about spurring one another on, its not my idea is right when you talk to someone about your faith, thats never gonna get you far, instead its about affirming and then maturing, that is the only way that someone will accept you and your beliefs.  I think that the same goes for the church and our church for that matter.  Before I left to go on my trip I talked to the pastor and I asked him how much of the budget goes towards missions and over seas work and he told me, i think like 10% and I got a little upset and got no where with trying to convince him that 10% wasn’t enough.  Instead I think that something along the lines of…. Wow 10% thats great  I would have never guessed is was that much, may have gone a little better.”  Wow that is some words of wisdom if I have ever heard any.  Yeah maybe I too feel that 10% isn’t enough either however isn’t that all that we are called to do, give 10% of our first fruits for the growth of Gods kingdom.  So in closing, is a 60 inch plasma tv in the youth room a need or a want.  I think that it may be a little of both, imagine if you can the one kid that comes to youth group to check it out and he sees that thing and in a second decides this might be a cool place and it changes his whole outlook on being there and then 3 weeks later accepts Christ only to become a youth leader or a pastor and shepherds others into the Kingdom of God.Thought of the week:  there is a difference in wilderness and desert…. The jews went into the wilderness and good provided for them… Jesus went into the desert to be alone….. I love exploring the wilderness often times trying but over all I discover new things about myself almost daily.  

So i said i was gonna get on this and so here i am….12:00 sunday night doing as i promised.  So i’ve been sitting here for about and hour trying to think of something to write…nothing, i got nothing.  You ever had one of those times when you just feel like blah, nothing could make me happy or sad or excited??  Have i come to a place of such contentment that i am just this apathetic about life in general, i am so blessed and sometimes yet i don’t care??? I take for granted the gifts from our Father and gave Him on of those looks like wow great aunt mildred, thanks for giving me this sweet book on dinosaurs for my 16th birthday i really do enjoy dinosaurs a whole lot.  Ok maybe a bit far fetched but you know the feeling i am talking about, so i guess as my wise teachers have always warned me about, i am just in that season of life….will any good come from this? really?

So im back for real this time i hope all settled in the new shack and its about to get real so find out what happens when you put a disgruntled step dad a loving mother and her much to old to be living at home son and the collegiate daughter under on roof. By all means READ AT YOUR OWN RISK…

let me kmnow if you read this because i am thinking about writing again but if no one is gonna read this then i am not gonna waste my time so let me know huh:)

For the past week i have been doing what i feel is an indepth study on passover.  God has been blessing me through this, i feel like i can actually have an intelectual talk about it an know what i am talking about.  I took at look back at my heritage as an ethnically jewish person that grew up in a jewish family however it is my father that is jewish so i am not really jewish, in the culture it is ok to marry outside of the race however to be a true jewish person your mother has to be jewish, fortunatly mine is protastant though.  So like i said i have been taking a look back at my heritage and finding out why jews celebrate passover and what the symbolizm behind each of the elements involved and i am learning cool jewish words like hillel and sader and stuff, has been very enlightning.  Tonight when i get in from elevate i plan to go home and look at the christian passover and the real truth and meaning behind the elements instead of just leaning on what i have been told they mean.  Besides the passover stuff i have just been enjoying God move around me this week, i got prophesied over at churhc on sunday, it was the first time anyhitng like that had happened and it freaked me out i have to admit but at the same time very comforting.  Anyhow got is blessing me beyond any words that i could express.  Love you guys, be filled with the love and joy of Christ and his ressurection this week

So i think that instead of trying to get on and type everyday then getting dissapointed with myself for not doing it, instead i think that i am just gonna try to wrote once a week about the highlightof the week or what God has been doing aorund me and through me.  Since Patrick is about 30 feet away from me playing drums at the moment and has no idea that i am typing this i gotta dawg him a little….. i mean geese dude are you really gonna tell us about everything you do, with your 3 blogs a day ha ha…..

K now down to the meat.  I know that i am not one of the best servants in the world but believe me jay i do try half heartedly at best.  Well to catch you guys up a little on saturday night jay was telling me about what he really wanted to do at curch on sunday and i was all about it as i usually am since jay is one of my spiritual leaders in my life.  Well on the bus ride home that night i started feeling convicted about some stuff.  Maybe its jeliousy or maybe this is truley how i feel deep down inside in my heart, but i know that for whatever reason i do feel this way.  i harp and moan about northpoint spending so much money on production and making it a huge deal, i think that i heard somewhere that northpoint has something like a 200million dollar budget and the thing that gets me hot about that is that they spend every bit of that money on salery's and production and buiding up the church which is great in its own right, and i am sure that a little of there money is spent on missions but really, just as the guy at your seminar (jay) said about the vistitors and how much you are willing to bring folks into the church, however i would really be interested in seeing the behind the seens numbers on how many people come time after time and then how many other people have left there church for whatever reason and started going there.  With that said i think that they may be spending a little to much on inreach and not enough on outreach.  Well i think what i am trying to get at is that alot of time the production of a service clouds people veiw of the heart of what is going on.  And there for making the service more of a show and not enough of a worship service, anyone go to church expecting a concert on sundays????? (Chris Tomlin???)  Dave herndon, just playing couldn't leave you out ha ha.  But with a heart of dissatisfaction like that then why do i run sound on sundays, you think that maybe just a gymbay and an acoustic guitar unplugged maybe the answer but i dissagree, what we have going on at the chapel is bringin in unchurched people which is what we are all about so keep doing what we are doing i suppose.  However with my lack of attendance at church lately and the sound booth specifically David and Jay i know are getting a little frustrated so instead of coming at me and scolding me for me Jay sat down and said to me, what can we do to better suite you and you gifts and abilities.  he told me that when he started ministy he decided he wouldn't manage people that help him and that he put in there postions but yet disciple and encourage people that feel and know where the could best serve the Lord.  With that said i am reminded of a verse in hebrews, And let us consider how we spur one another on towards love and good deeds.  So jay where you right to confront me and explain your heart, most definatley, thank you so much for following Christ and letting him be your example

so tonight while praying or elevate with the group, i realized how much i really have to be thankful for and just the peace of completness in God that i am in right now, job 11 says: you will lift up your face without shame and firmly stand with no fear inside, you will surley forget your worries and pain recalling them as only waters gone by, if you put away the sin in your hand and allow no evil to dwell and you devote your heart and strech out your hands to Him. you eill be secure for their is hope that you will safely take your rest you will lie down with no one to make you afraid.  but the eyes of the wicked will fail darkness gives way to mornings light aand life will be brighter then noonday as the waters go by into the night, your will lift up your face without shame and firmly stand with no fear inside you will surely forget your worries and pain reacalling them only as waters gone by Stand firmly with no fear inside

SO this morning i got up kinda early and went to Gould’s Inlet and watch the early part of the sun rise, is was needless to say magnificent.  After a super fun night out with some friends a few of them got a litle ahh drunk ha ha, i managed to stay sober and just hang out and dance and listne to some live music which is always fun. Afterwards it was my job i felt to get the les coherent ones of the group home and in bed which is fine, i have to say though in the back of my mind the whole time i was think woo i gotta get up in a few, a couple, and then and hour, i knew this would be the case however i was willing to make the sacrifice for some brothers of mine.  Well back to the sunrise, how great it was, the deep reds to the bright yellows and the flourescent oranges that i saw, however i saw something else, the oddest thing.  As the sun was rising i noticed a few birds flying north i guess for the summer, something that i had always heard but never really witnessed first hand.  Well the crazy thing was that at first it was like 10 birds off in the distance and they got almost out of veiw and then they turned around, as i follewed them with my eyes i realized that the were flying back to wait for some other birds that were a little bit back in the distance, so then a back of what seemed like 30 birds did the same thing.  As i watched them fly back to where i first saw them the group went from maybe 30 to 70, it was quite a sight to see.  Well this went on for about 10 minutes, back and forth back and forth until finally when i had to leave there must have been 500 birds turning around once again to get some other birds fying back up north.  As i was driving down east beach i saw the full moono from last night sinking further and further down.  So on the 10 minute ride to waork from there i started thinking a little and it occured to me that though they are girds and we are people we are very much the same, spiritually that is exactly what we do.  When one of our brothers gets a little behind, startes to stumble, or is going in the wrong direction we shgould instinctavley turn around to help them get back on their path.  The more and more i think about it and become more mature spirtually the more and more it is evident to me that community among beleivers is not something to chase after, but something that is neccesary to suceed and finish the race strong, and all for His glory on our flight north.  The other thing that i noticed, was not that the mon was in the south, but from the direction that i was in it almost seemed as if the were flying from the darkness into the light.  I love so sit back when not in the flood as the Davids put it so well last week and whatch God work, like Jay reminded us today in ” the 

2nd cup” today, After God made everthing, he didn’t call it good anymore, he called it very good.  Have you been doing your part in picking up and slowing up, and putting up with the slackers in your life, moreover, do you go back out of your way to help them?

So yesterday i had some quality time with drew and i knew it was comin, he was pissed at me, i broke a pretty serious promise to him on tues. but luckily the breaking of that promise started one of the best days of my life.  I felt aweful for breaking the promise to him and wanted to appologize for doing it.  But it has made me think of the value of a promise, some people have friendships that rely on them, other promise me amost nothing and have no real last effect it you break them. When drew and i met i knew what i was headed into and went willingly any way.  However he brought some very deep rooted things in the person that i have become, the most painful one was about the uncoditional love that i had never got as a chilled and now as a growing man i still seek for it.  His point that he made about that was huge, he said, ” the reason why you have such a hard time with Jennifer is that you are seeking that unconditional love from her”, but trust me as i look in from the outside it was very conditional.  Um without getting to much into it, after about a half hour of him beating up my character i looked at him smiled and told him i have found that unconditional love this week, i told him that i had founf it in Jesus and that this was huge, i realized the reason that i feel so much better since tuesday was becasue jennifer over the years had given me the name “unworthy” and that was lifted  and God replace it with his name, i no longer let her own me, but let God own me like he used to and he changed my name, i honestly still can’t get over it i am just so pumped:) So i would love some advise, or feedback about this… one of my favorite people in life is i think going through menapause???? and it has changed her alot, she has went from kind and careing and loveing to mean and slefish and very irritating to be around.  I realized this about a month ago and thought that hey its a part of life and i am sure that if that is the reason for her attitude change then it is probably alot harder for her to deal with then it is me.  But being a christian women i look up to her and so i confronted her about her attitude change and how it is affecting the people around her and it is her decision to change that or not but i just wanted her to know that. she relied with, “i don’t care”.  Well as of late it has been getting alout worse, she has times of just great hang out time with me and our friends but for the most part her “bad times” are getting worse and they are lasting longer, as a boss at Sweet Mamas it have to have a listening ear to concerns for the people that work under me and the last few weeks her attitude has been getting worse anworse and everyone is getting upset with her and ruining our atmostphere that boomer and Marsha had created.  It was so bad today that this morning while working the register at work i saw this guy i used to play ball with and hadn’t seen him in probably 6 or 7 years and when i said hey to him he said ” i haven’t seen  you since the music store”, and i was like when did i see you there taken back by the comment i was definatly expecting a her man or something but instead i got something completly foreign any how she jumped in the conversation and said it was “jack Ass” and i said what and she was like the movie jack ass and i looked at him and gave one of those i don’t know looks and he returned it and went on with his breakfast.  Well i had to take the hard road and confront her about it and i was like, “ya know you and i have been here working for a few hours and he are awake and are well into the start of our day, he may have just woken up and came her for some breakfast fresh out of his bed and you started his day with ” jack ass”.  That may effect him for the rest of the day.” And she the realized i said she needed to be more cautious about that next time.  But it is stuff like that that she does on a regular basis.  I have been trying to get through this situation and explain it without saying who she is and he name, but the hard part about it that She is the owner of Sweet Mamas thats right its Marsha and that kinda changes my reaction to the situation a little sadly enough, but i am looking for advise about it, so leave some if you have some…. The burdened one

So as i said in yesterdays blog i got a new name, God’s name for me.  So as i was driveing over the causeway this afternoon God once again floored me.  So the past couple of weeks have been rough, months is actually a more correct time frame, anyhow I realized that overall i have just been very disappointed with God over this period of time for not giving me what “I needed” instead he was giving me what he “needed me to have” and buddy let me tell you those were 2 completely different things.  Anyhow as most of you know i had a dislocated hip and i think i still have it a little, but that besides the point, i was suck in bed with no tv, or computer for a week, nothing but me and a few books and God.  I was in my room like i said for the better part of the week….alone.  Then last night i got my new name.  So pack to the story, as i was driving over the causeway thinking, this came into my head and i thought about it, tell me if you are reminded of something you may have read a little while back in the bible. 

upset with God+ a fight + a broken hip + time alone with God+ a new name = Jacob or better yet Isreal… strange huh but awesome none the less, you guys can start calling me Jake if you want, or maybe better yet Issy, short for Isreal… You know that God built a great nation, His CHOOSEN nation from the name Isreal…I love Jesus